Change Part II

January 21st is reportedly the most depressing day of the year. A combination of holiday debt, failed new year's resolutions, bad weather and in this very special year, a day after the installment of a wholly inexperienced showman as president of the United States of America (yea I said it! I hope golden boy proves me wrong) Anyhow, January 21st is definitely a very uncooperative date.

Originally I had planned a brilliant opening for this entry using the most depressing day of the year coinciding with Chinese New Year as a segue into a long rant about change and the cyclical nature of crap. Alas, there is no correlation. Too bad.

What is the opposite of happiness? Sadness? Wrong. The opposite of happiness is boredom. (Whose motto is this anyway? As many of you know, I'm not a big fan of citation. I freely admit that I doubt that I'm the first person to say just about anything that I say, so if I can't remember who said it, then I guess they don't deserve the credit.)

Boredom is the state of being weary or restless due to lack of interest. (In other words probably whatever it is you're feeling right now as you're reading. But don't worry the wittily snide remarks, soul-baring confessions and enlightening analogies will follow eventually.)

During the past few months, my friends and I have found ourselves trapped in a steadily intensifying state of boredom. Over the years we've run the gauntlet many times from blowout to bailout to burnout, but around the end of November all of the hooha seemed to lose its luster.

There's an advertisement on the sidebar as I'm typing this note. It's labeled $75/hr part-time job and it features a person holding a wad of $100 bills. There was a time when I thought it was the epitome of cool to whip out such a wad and "make it rain." In retrospect, that behavior seems extremely juvenile and it reeks of so much insecurity that it's embarrassing to type. There are moments where ostentatious displays of wealth can be extremely rewarding.

Those rewards stem from the deeply rooted desire for dominance that most humans, males in particular, feel a need to exert over their surroundings. Take a $ 100,000 annual income for example. It is a respectable sum and an admirable milestone in most careers. But it's positive effects are derived primarily from the person's surroundings, chiefly the peers that make up his immediate social circle, i.e. their facebook network of friends. For the majority of the 9 to 5 warriors in the low-to mid echelons of corporate America that 100k can make you the object of intense envy and inspiration. Outside of NYC it probably means a great house, nice car, corner office, etc. In other circles that 100k isn't worth 30 minutes at the craps tables. So some people earn more and some people earn less, what's my point?

Throwing your wad of cash around will only impress people do not have access to a similar wad of cash and make you look like a tool in front of people who do. Let's take a deeper look at each of those two scenarios. Also we'll disregard all of the people who say well I don't care what people think, I just do how I do. If you are flashing a rubber band bank then you definitely want the attention.

Looking like a tool is pretty self-explanatory. So onto impressing people. So you manage to lure some gold diggers and some free loaders with your display of footloose and fancy free financial freedom. They fawn over you and now you are happy. Now you are validated because people like you." What's your secret? I wish I was rich like you. I don't care if you have a girlfriend. Here's my hotel room key." If your sense of self worth is contingent upon the prostrations of the multitudes who lie fallow before your perceived wealth then you have a serious problem.

There will always be someone with a bigger bank account, faster car, nicer apartment, etc. etc. Money doesn't buy class and it sure as hell doesn't buy real friends. Don't get me wrong, money can definitely rent an amazing time with some pretty amazing people, but they will only last as long as the cash does. The watered down Gordon Gekko lifestyle is definitely worth experiencing from time to time, but it is just one big costume party. Eventually the masks have to come off or maybe you'll just grow weary and restless from wearing one.

What the hell does all of this have to do with change? Not exactly what you think it does. Well for starters I still love money. I love making it, growing it, and of course spending it. But my happiness is no longer tethered to it. More importantly I no longer feel the need to prove that money doesn't matter to me by wasting it in fantastically frivolous displays of faux wealth.

I stopped drinking because I no longer need a drink to dictate when I should be silly or happy. I go to the gym because I enjoy building strength and getting healthy. I spend less because I want to be able to spend more. I write because maybe someone is on the same path and now they know they have some company. I do what I want because I finally know what I want to do. That is change.